Validate Before You Problem-Solve

If your teen shuts down the moment you offer advice, it’s probably not the advice that’s the issue, it’s the timing.

When ADHD teens are dysregulated, overwhelmed, or just plain fed up, what they need first isn’t a solution, it’s to feel heard and seen.

Why Validation Matters for ADHD Teens

ADHD often comes with intense emotions, rejection sensitivity, and difficulty regulating feelings. When they come to you with frustration, or when emotions flare, their thinking brain is often offline.

Jumping straight into logic (“Well, have you tried...?”) can feel dismissive - even if your advice is good!

Validation says: “I hear you. I get it. I’m not here to fix you — I’m here with you.”

A Simple Shift with a Big Impact

Next time your teen says something like:

“I hate school, it’s so boring.”

Instead of replying:

“Well, you need to try harder.”

Try this:

“Ugh, sounds like today really dragged. That’s tough.”

THEN, once they feel heard:

“Do you want to talk about how to make it feel less awful?”

This creates a bridge between emotion and solution.

Validation Tips for Parents

• Start with reflection. Mirror back their feeling: “Sounds like you were really frustrated.”

• Use tone and body language. Eye contact, nodding, calm tone.

• Don’t rush it. Sometimes all they need is to vent.

• Offer to problem-solve after they feel heard.

Why This Builds Trust

When your teen feels emotionally safe with you, they’re more likely to come to you in the future, before things explode.

You become someone they trust, not someone they avoid.