Why “Catching Them Doing It Right” Builds Confidence in ADHD Teens

As parents, we often spend our time reacting to what our ADHD teens aren’t doing: the undone homework, the messy room, the forgotten bag. It’s understandable - these things affect daily life. But when we constantly focus on what’s missing, we miss the power of what is happening.

That’s where the magic of "catching them doing it right" comes in.

ADHD Teens and the Negativity Loop

ADHD teens often receive far more negative feedback than their peers, from school, from home, from the world around them. This can leave them feeling deflated, defensive, or withdrawn.

Many parents I work with say things like:

“They don’t seem to care.”“They just shut down when I try to help.”“They say I’m always criticising them.”

This isn’t because they’re lazy or unmotivated. It’s because their internal self-talk is already filled with shame and frustration. What they really need? More moments of feeling seen for the effort they’re making, even if it’s small.

What Positive Reinforcement Really Looks Like

Instead of praising big achievements, try noticing small efforts, especially in areas that don’t come naturally to them.

Here’s what this might sound like:

• “You put your phone down when I asked. That really helped us leave on time.”

• “You got started on your homework even though you were tired. That takes effort.”

• “You stayed calm when your sister was bothering you — I saw that.”

• 
  

Use specific, descriptive feedback, not just “good job.” That helps your teen recognise what they did right and builds internal motivation over time.

Why It Works for ADHD Brains

ADHD brains respond best to immediate, meaningful feedback. Remember positive reinforcement helps:

• Boost dopamine in the brain (which drives motivation)

• Create emotional safety

• Encourage repetition of the behaviour

• Build confidence and connection

Teens with ADHD may not always feel successful, so hearing that someone else noticed can be incredibly validating.

What If They Shrug It Off?

Sometimes, your teen might act like they don’t care about the praise. That’s okay. Keep doing it anyway.

Over time, your consistency builds trust. They begin to believe that you see their effort, not just their mistakes.

Resource of the Week

📘 The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser

This approach teaches parents how to energise what’s working in their child, while staying neutral about what’s not. It’s a powerful reframe — especially for parenting kids with ADHD.

❤️ Takeaway

Your ADHD teen is doing more right than you realise. Start catching the small wins, and watch their confidence grow.